I Wished For Your Happiness
君の幸せを願っていた by 花柄
On Wakaba’s wedding day, midway down the aisle, his future husband’s soulmate appeared in front of them.
Tags: Boys Love, Omegaverse, Soulmates, Open Ending
The concept of this chapel located in this high class resort hotel is “Church of the Forest and Water”.
Multi-coloured flowers bloom in full glory on both sides of the avenue, and when one proceeds along the path as if lured, a rose tunnel comes to view.
The scent of the pure white roses induces a feeling of sacredness, purifying both the minds and bodies of those who pass through the tunnel.
The other side of the tunnel opens out to a large pond which is encircled by forest, and on top of the small island floating in the middle of the pond is a chapel. Due to the abundance of spring water, the pond water is so crystal clear it is even possible to see the small bubbles clinging to the water plants growing at the bottom of the pond.
Connecting the land and small pond island is an old stone bridge. The windows of the chapel, which is also stone-built, is adorned by stained-glass. The sight of the cross on the triangular roof sparkling in the blue sky is beautiful. This chapel is renowned for being the most difficult church to book these days.
The reason I can conduct my wedding ceremony at this popular chapel is because I’m the heir to the family that owns this resort hotel. My parents opened this chapel so I could get married at any time after I turned twenty.
Until this morning, I was feeling bright and sunny from having the weight lifted off my shoulders due to the relief being able to answer to my parent’s feelings –– due to various reasons my parents had been worried about my marriage. But, it appears that the god of fate has no intention of giving me happiness that easily.
The aisle leading to the altar where the priest is waiting. Inside the chapel, relatives, friends, work and company acquaintances, who had come to give their blessings to the new married couple today, attentively watched over the two walking arm to arm.
This church, which was enshrouded by warm blessings, froze midway due to a certain happening.
This scene, which was meant to be deeply moving and overflowing with joy, was engulfed by the attendees chatter and bustle. People who had turned pale, people who instantly started filming and taking photos, people with faces flushed with rage, people looking on with shock, and people of all other different reactions.
…Oh shit. I had never imagined that this would happen.
At my wits end, I, who was meant one of the leading actors of today, gazed at the man who was supposed to become my husband.
On the virgin road, precisely midway between the chapel doors and the altar. That is where our steps stopped.
The gaze of my husband-to-be was glued on an Omega woman. She had also attended this ceremony with her own fiancé but, was this fate’s practical joke? They ended up meeting – with their soulmate.
The two took each other’s hands, cheeks flushed, staring at each other with expressions that said ‘This is the best moment of my life’.
Sensing the unrest in the air as their faces gradually drew closer and closer, I broke out into cold sweat.
I had heard that when soulmates meet it’s difficult for them to hold back their impulses. I can understand that their bodies will throb and ache. I can understand, but please don’t start doing it here!! I yelled inside, as I looked out for the right time to speak up.
I had feelings of ‘I give up. What a pain.’ but I didn’t feel any sadness or mortification over being betrayed by my future husband. Well, that was natural. Because there were no romantic feelings between us.
As the omega only son of a pretty rich family, I needed a husband to succeed the family.
I was fine with anyone as long as they had common sense, our personality and bodies were reasonably compatible, and they would help work with me to make the company flourish. I didn’t care who it was as long as it wasn’t someone who would make me feel physiologically disgusted just being in the same room with them.
Because I was certain that I would never get together with my soulmate, I chose a husband that would benefit the company. And the person I chose is the very person with flushed cheeks taking the hand of another Omega in front of me right now, Takamichi.
Takamichi was my underclassman in my student days, the second son of a reasonably well-off family, and a fairly excellent Alpha. We often met at company-related parties and I think we had built up a good university senior-junior relationship.
Takamichi appeared in front of me, two years after I graduated, when I had turned twenty five. At that time, I had been putting my utmost concentration in preparing myself to succeed my family’s company in the future.
‘I want to consult you about something, so can we go out for a meal sometime?’ He invited me out a few times like that but for me, who had decided to succeed the company despite being an Omega, even spending time to eat with a junior felt like a waste. If I had free time to do stuff like that, I would use the time to gain even just little bit more experience, because I wanted to become able to stand on my own.
The people who held key roles at a company and the executives at trade partners were almost all Alphas. An Omega like me had to work ten times harder than an Alpha
So that I wouldn’t be told ‘You can’t do it because you’re an Omega’, I couldn’t lose focus for even any instant. This wasn’t easy, but it was the path I had chosen. The hardship to achieve my goal was not hardship to me.
The origin of these feelings is related to my feelings towards my Alpha mother and Omega father.
My Omega father conceived me soon after he met my Alpha mother. It was a fateful encounter of soulmates. Even now, the photos displayed throughout in the house bears witness of their happiness at that time. The photo I liked the most is the one of my mother hugging my father, who had a full round tummy, from behind.
But, giving birth to me almost took my father’s life. Apparently, it was so dangerous that the doctor urged my mother to choose which life to save, her mate or the child? My mother chose her mate. I think even that was a distressful decision.
However, when my father heard my mother’s decision, he firmly opposed, “If you kill my child, I’ll die too.” My mother yielded to my obstinate father.
“If I lose both of them, I’ll die too.” With that thought, she tightly grasped the fountain pen she had received from my father.
“I was planning to stab it into my neck but, I’m glad I didn’t end up needing to do it.”
Every time it was my birthday, my mother would always tell this story while drunk. ‘Now it’s just become a funny story’, she’d say while glugging down beer, and close off with “I’m so happy.”
Due to the doctor and nurses’ diligent treatment my and my father’s lives were saved but, it was impossible to end up unscathed.
My father’s body could no longer give birth anymore. And, due the difficult birth, I suffered from oxygen deficiency, and the organ governing a certain pheromone in my brain ended up with abnormalities.
Their one and only son is an Omega. This fact made the people around my family, which were fairly rich, very alarmed.
Divorce and take a new omega as a bride, if she doesn’t want to divorce, take a mistress and produce an Alpha heir. My mother didn’t take any heed to these meddlesome people kicking up a fuss, but they said some relatively horrible things to my father.
“Step aside!” would be considered one of the tamer things that were said. “Die!” “I’ll kill you” and incidents that threatened his safety for real didn’t occur just once or twice. Even so, my father and mother’s bond was strong, and our family of three have come all this way together.
If they’re worried about an Omega being the heir, then I’ll work hard so they won’t think that way. Having made this resolve when I was a child, I worked hard until I bled without sparing time to sleep.
What was fortunate was that the abnormality in my pheromones did not become a hindrance to my goal. Like all other Omegas, my oestrus comes once every three months. However, that defective organ in my brain erased the scent of my pheromones.
Usually, I have absolutely no scent at all. When my oestrus comes, if you come close enough to rub your nose against the nape of my neck where the pheromones are released, there will be a faint fragrant scent at most.
The number of Alphas that have been lured by my pheromones is almost nil. I can get over my oestrus by taking very weak suppression drugs. I’ve lived till twenty five without inducing anyone or being attacked even once.
So why I was I walking down the aisle? This was because Takamichi ambushed me in front of the company to negotiate with me.
‘I want you to help me taking our senior-junior relationship into account.’ He prostrated to the ground as soon as we met. I was very taken aback.
Takamichi’s family’s business situation had deteriorated to a grave state. I had heard from rumours but I didn’t expect that it had gotten so serious that Takamichi, an Alpha, would have to kneel on the ground and beg me, an Omega, for a loan.
Takamichi’s Alpha’s pride was probably in shreds. The opinion that an Omega is a birthing tool is still firmly rooted in an Alpha’s mind-set. Takamichi’s feelings of wanting to protect his company even if he has to kneel down to an omega who is supposed to be a tool, I didn’t hate it.
“Loan, huh? Hey, Takamichi, what can you offer in return for a loan?”
“The only thing I can offer is me.”
Even though when we were students Takamichi always spoke to me using casual language, he was now using honorific language. Ill at ease at being spoken to by an Alpha in honorific language, I deliberated.
What I was about to suggest was a challenge even for me. Due to my pheromone abnormality, I had never once had a partner so not being able to find someone to produce future heirs was a worry that I had been having.
If Takamichi was willing to become that person, it would be heaven-sent news.
“Takamichi, do you have a lover or a fiancée?”
“…My engagement has been annulled. The other side one-sidedly broke the engagement as soon as our economic situation worsened.”
Hm. Even better. I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to separate them if he did have someone.
“Takamichi, want to be married into my family?”
Takamichi looked up and stared at me blankly with a face of that said ‘I don’t understand.’
“Eh? But, aren’t you a Beta, Wakaba? Even if you marry me, you want be able to have any heirs, you know?”
Ahh, this guy, he hasn’t noticed that I’m an Omega.
“I’m an Omega. I don’t emit any scent because I have a pheromone disorder so you might not have realised but I do properly go into heat once every three months. “
The thing I need is a partner who can appreciate me. A partner that will help the company reach greater heights together with me and help me produce heirs. Love is unnecessary. I just needed a partner who could live his life with me as a comrade in arms.
“If you have the resolve to become my partner, I’ll bring up the matter of loaning to the president. After that, it’s up to the president’s discretion; I can’t give you a definite promise. But, once it’s been decided that we’ll be financing to your company, you will marry me. Are you fine with that?”
Takamichi returned with a strong gaze. I extended my hand to press him to stand up.
“I’m counting on you. Please lend me your strength.”
The loan was agreed upon and Takamichi and I became engaged. During the time we could spare in our busy schedules, we had many conversations, about the company, about each other, about my body and our lives from now on.
We carried the lives of lots of employees in our hands. So that they wouldn’t be adrift in the streets, as comrades, we would take each other’s hands and live.
Because we took our time, I think we managed to build up trust towards each other.
Although love didn’t blossom, I thought that if it was with Takamichi we would be able to walk a long life together.
I never imagined that a big pitfall would be waiting in that one step I took.
I called out to Takamichi who had forgotten about me after the appearance of his soulmate. It was impossible to continue the wedding ceremony in this situation.
I had to quickly work out a way to deal with this matter before the situation became even more unsightly.
“I’ll surrender you the room. Go take your mate there.”
With those words, our separation became final. After this, in the hotel room that Takamichi and I were supposed to welcome our first night, Takamichi will welcome his honeymoon with his soulmate he had just fatefully encountered.
The time and labour spent to prepare for this wedding would come to waste but only a small handful can ever meet soulmate in this world. Blessings to Ryuuchi who managed to find his fate at the really last moment.
With feelings of longing, I saw the two, who had obtained the happiness that I didn’t have, off.
Left behind, I secretly surveyed the chapel.
My mother, who had a grim look on her face, was undoubtedly going to withdraw the financing to Takamichi family. But his Omega was also from a prominent and wealthy family.
They probably wouldn’t let anything bad happen to their daughter’s soulmate’s family.
Her family would most likely become his family’s backer. Even if my mother called off the loan, Takamichi’s company probably wouldn’t go bankrupt.
What’s left to do is think of the way to smartly tide through this situation in front of me right now. I turned towards the clamouring attendees. I picked up the microphone which was originally meant to be used to say out the wedding vows to the attendees today, and announced the cancellation of today’s wedding.
While I bowed my head, what floated to my head was the expression of the Alpha who had lost his Omega fiancée. He was my contemporary at university.
We weren’t close friends, but I had heard him speak in the university cafeteria before.
“She’s not my soulmate but, I’ve find someone that I want to be with even if I have to go against instinct.” He had said happily. He had truly looked so happy talking about how he would wait until she graduated before getting married.
The dumbfounded expression he had when, for the sake of attending my wedding, the woman he loved to that extent had been stolen from him in an instant.
I’m truly, sorry. I never thought that this would happen.
Amidst the guests that exited while making complaints, he, who had just had his fiancée stolen, didn’t move from that seat even when everyone had left. Biting his lips, fists firmly clenched, trembling, he cried without care of the public gaze.
Unable to speak out to him, I apologised to him silently in my heart while I softly closed the chapel doors to at least let him be alone.
Although it wasn’t my fault that the wedding was discontinued, I still needed to apologise to those people who had attended to congratulate us. The next day onwards, I flew around the place spending all my time apologising to everyone in person. Today, the last place I visited was the Takamichi’s soulmate’s ex-fiancé’s company.
Sasanami Shigure. He was a leading first-class Alpha, even among my year-mates at university. It wasn’t only Omegas who wanted to catch his eye, even Betas and Alphas surrounded him.
Even though he was a first-class Alpha he had a calm demeanour and never looked down on others. This made people think even more highly of him, and he was extremely popular with Omegas. There was an endless line of omega’s who wished to be embraced by him even just once but, the person himself was madly in love with a younger Omega he had met at his favourite cafe when she was working part-time there, and he paid no notice to other omegas.
Only a small handful would ever meet their soulmate in their lifetime. She and Sasanami were not soulmates but “Even if my soulmate appeared in front of me right now, I would still choose her.” To encounter a person that you loved so much that you could say those words, in a way, it might be even more valuable than a soulmate.
However, she had now become Takamichi’s mate. As a result of attending my wedding, Sasanami lost his one and only. The first person I should have visited to apologise really should have been him. But, seeing him break down crying at the chapel, I concluded that it would be best to give him a little time, and set an appointment a week later.
The truth is, I was scared of seeing him. I didn’t think that Sasanami would forgive me, the person who caused his happiness to be destroyed.
Imagining how he would curse at me, I wasn’t able to sleep properly for the entire week.
I was granted permission to pass through the reception room, and motionlessly waited for Sasanami to come. As one would expect from his family. The furnishings were first-class, and with just one glance you could tell that the comfortability level of that leather sofa would also be top-notch. However, I didn’t sit down and stood facing the door waiting to be condemned.
Knock, knock, knock
After the knocks, the door quietly opened. Before the door finished opening, I bowed deeply.
“I’m really really sorry!!”
I had prepared all kinds of words of apology but everything flew out of my head the moment I saw Sasanami’s face.
Even though only one week had passed since the wedding, Sasanami had lost a considerable amount of weight. HIs pallid complexion and sharpened chin were painful to look at. Even without saying it, I could perceive the extent of his grief over losing his fiancé. I could do nothing but continue to bow my head.
“Raise your head. You have nothing to apologise for, right? Suzushige.”
Merely hearing him say my surname, my skin rippled. Hit by the characteristic aura of strong Alphas, I desperately held back the trembling of my legs.
“Thank you for coming. Come sit down.”
‘Has his voice become a little lower than when it I had heard from a distance during university?’ I wondered. Now with the composure of an adult man on top of that, he had become even more attractive, but the gentleness in his voice hadn’t changed.
“Too bad for both of us. It must have been hard for you as well, Suzushige, to lose your husband on your wedding day.”
“No, our marriage was something like a business transaction. It’s a blessing in disguise that we hadn’t registered the marriage yet.”
If we had already entered the family register, we probably wouldn’t have been able to cancel our relationship so easily. Takamichi was lucky.
Maybe Alphas really do have the power to draw even fortune to themselves.
“I spoke to her. It might seem unmanly but I was hoping that maybe she’d come back to me, but it was no use. She told me that she couldn’t part from her soulmate.”
My heart ached hearing Sasanami speak so sadly. Apparently she was going to graduate next year. Their marriage preparations had probably already gone underway.
Seeing that I had sunk into silence, unable to find any words to say, Sasanami gave a bitter smile.
“Apparently, it’s like your heart’s been hit by lightning.”
“She said that the instant she caught the scent of her soulmate, everything else stopped existing in her eyes and all of her consciousness was captured by him like she’d been sewed to him.
A soulmate is something that strong. How terrifying.”
I felt I saw a flame flicker up in Sasanami’s eyes. Sasanami, who had just spat out the words “How terrifying” with an expression of disgust, murmured that it wasn’t Takamichi that stole her, but the existence of the thing called soulmate that was detestable.
“Having your awareness stolen and being unable to part from them regardless of your own will, it’s like a curse, don’t you think? I never want to meet my soulmate ever. It’s horrifying.”
My heart felt like it had been stabbed by a shard of ice, and I couldn’t really remember the conversation after that. When I had come to myself, I was already in the car that had come to take me back, and was heading home.
Calm down, calm down, I chanted over and over again in my head like a curse. I felt like I would start crying if I lost focus so I held on by digging my nails into my palms, telling myself to endure it until I parted with the driver and was alone.
After hurriedly greeting my parents when I got home, I returned to my room, locked the door so no one could come in and sank to the ground. I had no appetite for dinner.
“Haha, hahaha, like a curse he says.”
My whisper reverberated desolately in the pitch-black room.
The tears that I had been holding back brimmed over, dripping down and staining my suit. Even though I knew that the suit would get dirty and wrinkled so I should get changed, even though I knew in my head what I had to do, my body wouldn’t move.
“Did I do something bad in my previous life or something?”
Born with a pheromone defect, calling off the wedding, and today. It made me suspect that it wasn’t simply just bad luck, and that some big power was at work trying to take away my happiness.
I first met Sasanami at unversity. When I passed him in the corridor, from Sasanami’s Alpha scent, I realised instantly. That he was my soulmate. The impact was precisely like being struck by lightning, and on the very night of the day I understood that my everything was Sasanami’s, my one in three months heat cycle was thrown out of order, and my oestrus made a sudden visit.
A sweet ache that was clearly different from all the heats I had had before. The depths of my body squirmed, ‘I want Sasanami’, and crying out his name, I entered a finger into myself and came multiple times. I panted as I licked my finger imagining it as Sasanami’s tongue kissing me. Every time I recalled Sasanami’s scent, nectar would begin to overflow from deep within; every time I imagined how it would be like when I accepted him there, I cried out and threw my body back.
Thinking back now, those days which I believed without a doubt that those imaginings would become reality was the happiest time of my life. Those days that I could smile and dream that I would have Sasanami’s child one day and hold it my arms.
However, because of my pheromone defect, Sasanami didn’t notice that I was his soulmate.
With my pheromone deficiency, if I came forward and told him, at most I only would be thought of as someone who was weird in the head. After all, I was usually scentless. So long as I didn’t have the scent which was used to judge, it was difficult to prove.
I felt that if I went too close, I would be affected by Sasanami’s pheromones and act strangely, so I could only watch Sasanami from afar being surrounded by other Omegas. But I was happy even just doing that. During those days when I never doubted that Sasanami and I would one day be united, every day I would make merry by myself thinking about how I would explain to him.
But one day I heard Sasanami say: “I’ve found someone I want to be with even if I have to go against instinct.”
Personally experiencing what it was to have the world turn black in front of you, I could only dazedly look down at my steaming cup of coffee.
Suspecting, wishing that I had misheard, I pricked my ears to wait for the words “Just joking.”, but the words never came.
I don’t know how much I cried. My appetite diminished from the shock. Even when my parents asked me what was wrong because they were worried seeing me get thinner by the day, I couldn’t tell them that Sasanami was my soulmate.
The people who fretted over the most about my pheromone abnormality were my parents. I didn’t want to see them apologise anymore that “I’m sorry I couldn’t give birth to you with a normal body.”
I cried and cried and cried. It took a very long time before I finally made the resolution to give up.
In truth, I wanted to scream: Your true mate is me! But because Sasanami looked so happy…
After hearing him proudly declare that he would choose his lover over instinct, how could I still have the nerve to tell him that “I’m your soul’s other half”?
During school, after agonising to the point of puking blood and thinking it over thoroughly, I decided that in this lifetime I wouldn’t tell anyone that Sasanami is my soulmate. Rather than tell the truth and see Sasanami’s face contort, I would wish for his happiness from afar. That was what I was supposed to have decided… Yet.
That day, the day of the wedding. When Takamichi took the hand of another Omega, somewhere in my heart I was relieved. And when I realised that the Omega was none other than Sasanami’s beloved fiancee, joy sprouted in me. But as soon as I saw his face of despair, I came to my senses and that joy too, vanished with a trace.
This must be my punishment. While saying that I’m wishing for Sasanami’s happiness, I had felt joy for an instant, and that instant, God did not overlook.
“So terrifying.” “I never want to meet my soulmate ever.” “How horrifying.”
Those words of Sasanami’s that had crushed my despicable feelings had more than enough power to knock me down into the abyss.
“I’m sorry, I won’t be happy ever again. I won’t wish for anything anymore so please don’t let Sasanami realise that I’m his soulmate.”
No matter how much I wiped, the flooding tears didn’t know how to dry out. Even after I pressed my clenched fists hard against my eyes, it continued to stream over, soaking my suit and shirt sleeves.
If he cursed at me face to face, I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be able to live anymore. But thinking of my parents, I couldn’t throw away my life either and I would probably become a being that only eats and breathes while carrying a heart that has become an empty shell.
I’m sorry, Sasanami.
I may have felt happy seeing that scene in front of me on that wedding day, but it wasn’t a lie that I was praying for Sasanami’s happiness with her.
Because, the reason I had decided to swallow down everything and continue living even while crying, even while despairing, was because I wanted Sasanami to be happy even if it wasn’t me by his side.
If Sasanami doesn’t want it, then I’ll continue to hide the truth. I promise that I won’t interfere in Sasanami healing the wound in his heart and taking a step forward to a new love. No matter how painful it is for me, if Sasanami is happy and can smile, I’ll endure anything.
I love you from the bottom of my heart, Sasanami. So, please show me your smile again. When the time comes, I don’t know who will be by your side but my only wish is for you to be happy.
In the past, and even now, I’m wishing for your happiness.